3rd anniversary

i woke up this morning and with a really reluctant heart, dragged myself to the bathroom. i shall not be able to shower hot water any more, i fought back the tears. as my dad drove me to Putrajaya, i wish that the sky would fall, i wish that everything would rewind and freeze. why was i tortured like this?

i never wanted this, i don't deserve this. as i arrived, i hauled my big luggage and looking pale and tired, i noticed hundreds more kids just like me. all reluctant, some are happy. why are they happy?? don't they know the torture that is going to be released upon them???

curse you for putting me in this position. curse you!!! i thought angrily. as i spotted more familiar faces, i began to relax. ok, i'm not alone. i began to cheer up slightly and load myself into the bus. when my cousin came up with the camera, i chase him away. for fear that i might break down so i chased him away, then spending the next 8 hours staring at the spot he stood, wishing he was still standing there, wishing i could once again rewind time and freeze. wishing i don't have to go through torture, pulling me away from my family.

when a guy tries to talk to me, i ignored him. i ignored him because his friends were gushing and teasing him about how he should flirt with me. to save embarrassment, i kept quiet and i ignored him. besides i'm tired emotionally inside. i never been apart from home. what's more now.

i arrived at my destination and suddenly it hit me, no one is going to take care of me. no one is going protect me. it's either i protect myself or i die, i certainly won't choose the second one. so i held my head high and walk forward but with it, tears roll down my eyes.

- 19/12/2004 -

it's been three years. exactly three years since i was let out into the wild to fend for myself and when i returned and survived, i miss it for 6 months. my fear was turn into courage, my loneliness turn into happiness and my anger turn into love.

sorry Wei Mun for ignoring you on the bus =P ..i know you just wanna be friends

it's been three years.. and i didn't regret any minute of it..

HAPPY 3RD ANNIVERSARY PKN BATU JONG!

Truly a life changing experience .. I miss my wira wirawati friends! =)